"Foster" Critique

I thought that this piece did a really good job of showing the reader what was going on. It set up the story really well in the beginning, and within a page I knew who this protagonist was and more-or-less what her conflict was.

The fallng into the well stuck with me. It is a really ominous idea, but I was really glad the story never took a very graphic turn. However, it seemed odd that the older couple would allow two children to fall into a well. Moreover, after learning of the young boy dying in the well, it is kind of surprising that such a young girl would go near it.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the imagery. The author was able to describe things that I would only be able to show visually to somebody else. For example, the watery light gives me a very specific, vivid image in my head. The amount of realism in this story was impressive, and I liked the arc all around. 

"Mud Watching" Workshop

This was an interesting story about a man reflecting on his childhood romance. I thought the idea of a young couple hanging out and, basically, doing nothing was sort of romantic; their ties to baseball seem uniquely American, which I appreciate. However, I felt that there were some major holes in the story that confused me. For example, I wasn't sure why this girl was going to Romania, and, moreover, I didn't know if her father was lying about it. The age of the two main characters was also unsaid. I know that the narrator was in his forties while telling the story, but with this kind of story I felt I should have known their ages in the beginning. Age is really important for young characters, because in each year that passes, drastic changes could take place in their psychology.

Critique for "Lust"

I really like the fact that this story reads like a how-to guide. I think it has kind of a neat affect and is reminiscent of reading stories geared toward young girls when I was a child. I think the dark tone brings about a sense of regret to the reader. This is kind of the narrator's way of looking back on everything and saying, "If only I had known then what I know now." It is clear that the narrator depended on the emotional relief that men gave her through intimacy. Therefore, this story really gets into social pressures to have sex as an adolescent or teenager. It really gives the reader the feeling that the narrator realizes how absurd it is in retrospect, but that it was almost inevitable-- she was destined to make those mistakes.

Workshops 10/29

"Perfection"

This story had kind of a creepy, desperate vibe. I really like how we don't know exactly what is going on until the end. I feel like the first page provided a lot of buildup, and the reader was rewarded in the last paragraph. The realization that he hand was only a stump was both rewarding and surprising. The prose were really tight, and the flow was very smooth. This seemed like a mystery and a horror all at once, very Poe-like.

"Promise"

I really like the personification of the fear. I think it was very useful to make it a character, because it allowed for the reader to really understand that this protagonist is consumed by her feelings. The ending is less than satisfying, but I feel that was kind of the point. The message here seems to be that the Fear is a lifelong problem. Though this character is better in the end than she was in the beginning, the reader realizes that the Fear will plague her for the rest of her life.

"In Hours of Autumnal Sleep"

I have never read a story like this one, so I suppose I don't really know how to take it. It is formatted like a piece of prose, however, it feels like a poem. I like the combination of the two forms of writing. I felt like this was a very unique take on a relationship between two people. "'I'll tell you what,' you say. 'This is what,' I say," is an example of how these two people are different. Maybe, in a way that it is hard to explain in words, their differing speech patterns show the reader that they are very different people.

"Cute Without the E"

This story's narrator was incredibly unique. I had never read a story from the point of view of an inanimate object before, and I think that it is a fresh take on a story about a creepy murderer. I like the idea of having a less-than-serious narrator with such a horrific topic. I think that this is an interesting way of exploring the psyche of a serial killer, especially in how he is so reverent to his weapon. I was a little disappointed in the end. I didn't think there was enough build-up and reason for him to be discarding his weapon so nonchalantly.

Caviar Critique

I thought it was interesting that the main character was so aloof throughout the whole story. It was subtle, but his tone was uncaring. He brought Marie to the doctor and jumped through hoops so she could conceive, but never was too excited or concerned. At first I thought it was the character's masculine nature. From the beginning, when he explained how he had never gone to college, he it seemed that this general aloofness was part of his personality, that it was something he felt obligated to convey. However, as the story progressed, there was still no inkling that he really cared. I think that was a significant part of the story.

I really liked the character of Marie. I think that she first comes off as kind of a push-over. However, after she buried her diaphragm, I realized that she was in charge in this relationship. I like that in her character, it was an interesting twist that she may be a sneaky genius.

Critique for "Tiny, Smiling Daddy"

This story about a father dealing with the publication of his daughter's sexuality has a really interesting progression. At the beginning, he seems sad and confused and the reader really gets a sense of how he's feeling. Really, we almost feel sorry for him. Then, as we learned more about the daughter, her struggle, and finally how the father reacted when she came out of the closet, we realize that he is kind of a monster. The mother, who seems sweet at first, seems like a guilty bystander in the end.

I like that this story really shows the importance of perception in a story. Not only do we know how the main character views himself and his role in this story, but we also know how out of touch with reality he is. The progression of the daughter's character also achieves this end. In the beginning she seems cold and rash, as many teenagers are. But by the end, her character is softened and seems more adult, and the reader realizes that she wasn't bad, she was just going through changes as any woman who was coming into adulthood.

"Communist" Critique

"Communist" is a story about a very indifferent teenaged boy and his mother's boyfriend. It seems that this character has found a way of protecting himself by refusing emotions. It is clear that he loves his mother, but he doesn't really care what she does or who she is with. That being true, I think that Glen is more of a symbol than a real person. Out of all the boyfriends he could be telling a story about, I'm not sure why it would be this one, because he did not really seem to have an affect on the character. Perhaps the main character seems to believe that Glen is the standard for all disappointment in his life.

The goose hunting part of the story was especially interesting because it felt like a defining moment. Glen was incapable of being kind and merciful, and Les's mother was responsible to make the right decision.

Also, I think it is important that Les is 16 in this story. It is significant that Les is the same age that his mother was when she had him. Les's mother most likely saw him as an adult, or a potential adult, and all of the advice she is giving him is probably very weighty.

Workshop Critiques

"What Wasn't Said"
Really great detail. I don't know anything about commercial shipping but I really believe these characters are tugboat crew members.

The last conversation was confusing. I had to re-read. Also, content-wise, I think that we could have gotten more information out of Peers, maybe a little clarification on what was truly bothering him all that time.

Is Peers gay?

The final paragraph: I think the narrator is asking the wrong questions. I feel like he is getting at "what is the neighbor was me?" but it kind of falls short of that.


"The Man With Two Souls"

I was kind of confused at whether the amnesia was real. I thought this could be a dream or a hallucination.

Going straight into conflict is great. It draws the reader in immediately.

Really work on your punctuation. You have quite a few errors, and sometimes too much punctuation distracts from the meaning of your prose.


"The Phantasy of He"

This is really great. The imagery and magic realism is very unique. One thing that was not really made clear was exactly how the Grownups felt about Dreams. It seems that they don't want to protagonist to dream, but they also want to keep them in his head. Perhaps this is saying "keep your dreams to yourself, don't act on them" ? Either way, this seems a little contradictory. Also, I was confused as to what actually happened to the dream when it became plain. That part was kind of a surprise because the section leading up to it didn't exactly set up for it.


"Chimera"

I think that you should work on making your sentences more concise, especially the actions of the characters. That will move the story along more smoothly.

Also, when portraying events in a story, it is always better to show the reader how the characters feel instead of telling.

"Short Stack's Crossing" Workshop

I liked the surprise ending, and thought that it was done skillfully.

However, the tense changed a bit, which made the story less clear.

Also, there were some formatting issues. For example, when dialogue starts on a new line it is appropriate to indent for each person.

Lastly, I don't actually believe a little girl would talk the way this one was. Perhaps she was speaking this was because she was some sort of elevated being like a spirit or angel. However, in order to make the ending really count, I would change the way she speaks to better suit a child.

"Imitation" Workshop

The female character in this story seemed fake to me. Her personality never really changed, and she was too comfortable with this person taking her into a strange situation.

I felt like the relationship between these two was little too lord-subordinate. The story felt a little rapey, and I'm not sure if that was the idea, but the female character was way too unaware of this to make it realistic.

"Nothing Ever Happens" Workshop

I really liked the beginning, where Elijah lay in the stream. I thought the imagery was very vivid, and the juxtaposition of the beauty of the beginning and the car accident was a neat device. Also, the little girl as a symbol was interesting and made the reader try and figure her out throughout the whole story.

There was some irregularity with the name of the protagonist. I'd say it is ok that the little symbolic girl calls him Eli, but the narrator should probably always call him the same thing. Otherwise, the irregularity is confusing to the reader.

When the story begins to get very violent and the cliff begins to pierce his hands, I got lost. I was never sure if it was really happening or if it was in his head. Normally, I could work with that, but I also didn't know why it was happening. The whole thing seemed random, which made it seem unnecessarily violent.