Workshop for "Milk and Snails"

I really like the use of the Backstreet Boys song between lines as the main character was discovering her sister's eating disorder. Also, I thought the jump from discovering the milk of magnesia to the flashback was really clever. I do think this story needs a bit more development though. I think the beginning and the end are exactly what they should be, but the middle needs more detail because I didn't really feel like I was "seeing" the story. Also, some parts were a little confusing and hard to believe. I think the author is "telling" the reader what is going on more than "showing" the reader.

I would strongly suggest changing this story into 3rd person limited. Also, It would be a nice touch if the reader could see the protagonist's thoughts. For example, instead of telling us "I was scared to go in, but quickly found that the smoke was just steam from the shower," we could read exactly what the thirteen-year-old protagonist was thinking in the moment.